Selfishness

"And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me." Luke 9:23

That verse basically bashes selfishness.  And I'm selfish, so it's safe to say it bashes me too ;)

Yes, I dare say it's a sad reality, selfishness, that I find myself facing more frequently than I would care to admit.

Okay, admitted.  There.  It's done.

The day to day normalcy of life has a way of masking things. It's puts my life, responses and attitudes in a sort of haze and apathy.  There is nothing quite like a culture change to shake one out of normalcy.

Here in New York, people work...a lot, and very hard.  They create beautiful things...primarily for their own gain.  They are blatantly honest...because it's just expected that you will accept their viewpoint for what it is.  They are stressed...and snap and criticize those most dear to them because they trust enough to honest.  They dress well...and blend into the mass of perfectly dressed people surrounding them.  They spend money...in some cases, exorbitant amounts of the said stuff, for a whim and a passing moment.  They make it to their 30s and 40s living the grand career they wanted...only to discover that haunting void that things can never fill.  They seek to know and learn every wild idea thrown at them...only to find in the whirlwind that they can't make it line up and make sense, or it makes just enough sense to carefully logically win every argument.  They ride the train every day...never making eye contact with the people packed round about them. They walk the same streets every day...with their ears full of their own music and phones pressed against their chilled faces.

And they just.keep.going.

You may wonder what this has to do with selfishness.  I would propose that it serves as a sort of magnifying glass.  I work hard...and a lot...not like New Yorkers per say, but it puts a spotlight on my own behavior.  I like to create beautiful things...that I like, sometimes forgetting that they have a greater purpose!  I like to think I'm honest...but when it comes down to it, there is a projected reality of me that isn't really real at all.  I don't like admitting I get stressed...but I do, and when someone close by is stressed, I find I can snap right back with the best of them.  I like to dress well...and I smile at the reflection of the lady in the windows that walks down the street beside me every day, and chuckle at the glances thrown my way.  I spend money...well, not really much of it right now, but other than tithe, it's all for my own things.  I'm not in my 30s or 40s yet...but it makes me to sick to think that the same internal focus that got people there, could catch me.  I seek to know and learn the things presented to me...but more so I can say I know, so I can intellectually keep up, so maybe I can win an argument, rather than always use it as a lens to view and understand creation as God intended.  I ride the train every day...and find that a lack of eye contact is safe.  I walk the streets with occasionally with a phone pressed to me ear...and yes, I almost ran into someone.

It's easy, it's so easy to just get comfortable with what surrounds you.  With the thing that everyone else does / says.  But we can't.  We're called to more than that in life!!  We're called to work, to GOD's glory!  We're called to create beautiful things that honor the created order as it was intended by it's Creator!  We're called to be honest to the point of utter humility, so that men might look at our broken lives and witness Christ at work!  We're called to hand the burdens of life to Christ...and have faith the outworking is not under our control and maintain HIS joy in the midst of it.  We're called to present ourselves well that we might set an example of order, purpose and cleanliness!  We're called to use wisely the resources GOD has granted us, and never forget His call to touch the orphans and widows!  We're to step out of our selfish wants, and love, as Christ loved, no matter what it costs!  We're called to seek to know our Creator with vigor, until we meet Him face to face!  And, well, yeah...I have a new personal challenge to get at least one person to make eye contact and smile...every train ride...because they all need more joy in their lives!  And  yes, that phone conversation, if uplifting to one person or the other, ought not disrespect those on the sidewalk around me. ;)

Life here is so different...but it's not about me.  It's still about HIM.  It's mundane in moments, but it is filled with moments of greater calling, to do the ordinary, to love.  It's like every other day, where I get to embrace what God puts in front of me regardless of the return, and strive to be like Christ.  Internal focus, over-emphasis on my own challenges is not worth it ya'll.  GOD is still GOD, I am to have the faith He promised to give me.  It's better than way.

I know,  This has little to do with the adventures of everyday life, but those will come.  I selfishly think this matters more.  Oh, and here's Greg, eating some delicious chicken / sun-dried tomato / basil / mozarella / artisan crust pizza.